The Mask

 Today I was fitted for the mask. It was probably more boring than anything, but it would have gone a bit easier on me if there had been some Valium involved. I don’t know what anyone else’s experience would be, I can only tell what mine was like. First I was asked to take off my shirt and lie on the MRI table. After positioning me on the table they put some paper material bags on my hands and fitted some restraint type devices on my wrists. The bags were to keep the straps sanitary so that they can be reused without having to sanitize them before the next patient. The straps are connected to a footboard of sorts that when you extend your legs it pulls on your arms and straightens out your shoulders. I had an image in my brain of some sort of torture table. Hopefully that will be way off base. After a bit they come over and adjust your head, arms, pelvis or whatever until they’re happy with your position on the table. While this was going on they had been putting me in and out of the machine to check alignment with some red laser pointers. After they are completely satisfied with your total alignment then they put this piece of warm wet plastic mesh over your face, clamp it to the table and tell you to be very still. Now I haven’t mentioned this before, but I’m more than a bit claustrophobic. The MRI’s don’t really bother me because they are short enough for me to see the end. But restraining my head in any shape, form, or fashion and I get more than just a little bit freaked. By this point you’ve been told to be still about a dozen times ( but this time they REALLY mean it). The mesh hardens as it cools but since it’s on your face it takes a bit. It’s not really bothersome until it starts to cool and that’s only because the drops of water have cooled in the 60 degree air in the room. The room is kept cool to keep the machine cool and patients and technicians alike just have to deal with it. Once the cool drops of water move even a millimeter the urge to do something can drive you crazy. Here is where you need to have a happy place or a mantra or be able to zone out or something. Again if anybody’s listening, Valium or something similar would be really helpful here. You can hear and repeat to yourself all day long to be still. Ain’t so easy when your mouth fills up with saliva and you need to swallow or drown. Sometimes you can count your breathing, but usually for me all that this does is cause me to pay attention to my breathing and then I have to talk myself out of freaking out about that if I don’t pay attention I might forget to breathe. And I know that can’t happen, but it’s a thought that’s really hard to get rid of.

 Several times throughout this they have made reference marks on my forehead, nose, and chin. The mask has been clamped to the table to insure that when we get to the actual aiming of the glow in the dark machine that it is 100% on target. Before they cut me loose they made several reference points on the mask itself. As I’m about to get up they say they have one more reference mark to make. This turns out to be a permanent mark on my chest. A tattoo of sorts. It’s very small, but I’m told very necessary to attain perfect alignment.

 We also got news today that treatment starts in two weeks. The tentative date is Mar. 24. And in the meantime I have a slew of other appointments scattered in the calendar.